Shenk describes one of the mistakes of many parents attempting to raise exceptional children as "attaching high-achievement to love" which results from "narcissistic parents" who have "grown up believing that, in order to be liked, [they] must be exceptional in some way" and act this way toward their children who grow up to "struggle with social and emotional challenges" and "frequently [have] a hard time forming life partnerships" (138). The children become "addicted" to pleasing the parent which is dependent on their achievement. Based on this model, can interdependence be applied to support the idea that the cycle will inevitably continue for the next generation? How can this method of parenting be supported by ideologies such as the recently popular outbreak of 'tiger-mothering' against Shenk's claim that this is the "wrong way to direct your kids toward achievement"(139)?
Kate White (kw2020@gmail.com)
Although a "Cycle" of narcissistic parents is fairly unlikely because of the high probability of adolescent rebellion, the classical conditioning that can be observed within the "Addiction" complex of narcissistic parents can very easily create neurological or hormonal feedbacks from "pleasing their parent", which would create an individual behavior associating the narcissistic behaviors of "being exceptional" (138) with being rewarded. Even though children generally do not think of themselves as Pavlov's dogs, the response to such a rewards associating lifetime success with an A+ in a class is very much the same. The action would stimulate release of dopamine, ensuring that the child would associate that action with "Success", which creates a motivation to feel that "Success" again. Said motivation, or "Drive", encourages a pathological narcissism to form, pushing the child towards a fixation of what the parents deem "Unique" or "Special." When the parent does not immediately reward the child for something they have learned is supposed to evoke rewards, the neurotransmitters of the body can move even farther out of homeostasis. As the body deregulates its neurotransmitters as a result of the tendencies of irregular response, pathological psychiatric conditions like depression can occur which in turn demotivates the child (http://en.wikiversity.org/wiki/Motivation_and_emotion/Textbook/Motivation/Depression#Depression).
ReplyDeleteHowever detrimental “Tiger Mothering” may be, the original intention of it is much like the parental behavior advocated by Shenk. The attempted message of Tiger Mother was not to smother or sugar coat children, keeping them working hard and teaching them motivation though specific cultural expectations, much like the Kenyan runners (Shenk 103). In terms of anthropology, a similar motivating trait is seen in the cultural stereotype of German efficiency and seriousness. The university system (which in Germany originated in a form that we would today call graduate schools) fostered a competitive set of values re-enforced by each generation’s education/hope for education in said system. Rather then a hostile system, the Tiger Mother system is one more akin to cultural competition. Even though this system is not harmful, attempting to use a more austere vision of behavior within parenting is certainly damaging to the child in the creation of an interdependent, reward driven complex, or a resented, fear driven complex in which the behavior has been modified to adapt to the narcissistic conditions of the parent.
Additionally, this behavior places greater stresses on both the parent and the child, inhibiting the growth mindset. Because the child is already considered an extension of the already narcissistic parent (by nature) according to Freud, further behavior would place the adult under severe emotion trauma if they were to have to face that the child was not in fact exceptional. This raises another question towards how the codependence mechanism affects the homeostasis of the endocrine system in the parent. Naturally, the parent would feel happiness when they feel their child is exceptional or successful, as oxytocin floods their system (http://www.ted.com/talks/paul_zak_trust_morality_and_oxytocin.html). However, high stress levels actually inhibit the secretion of oxytocin, decreasing the “joy”, generally associated with the effects of oxytocin(http://www.vivo.colostate.edu/hbooks/pathphys/endocrine/hypopit/oxytocin.html). Without the trust/anti-anxiety effects of oxytocin, the relationship would be under strain and the behaviors involved in the relationship would be further modified from the desired norm.